Big Momma Doesn't Take a Hint

I am sorry to announce that big momma is growing (the tumor in my breast).  I found out last week and am actually at the Huntsman Center right now waiting for yet another bone and CT scan.  For some reason they scheduled them a couple of hours apart, so I figured this would be perfect blog-updating time.

I haven't had any symptoms other than fatigue, which has been my constant companion these days, so I wouldn't have guessed anything was wrong.  Apparently the tamoxifen (estrogen blocker) just wasn't enough for my estrogen producing body.  I had two options placed before me: chemo or lupron.  Before diving back into my weekly dose of poison, I would wanted to try something different, so I chose the latter.

Lupron is a shot I will receive, in my hip, once every 3 months that will put me into short-term menopause.  In other words, my body will not produce any estrogen for big momma to feed off of.  Along with the shot I will continue taking tamoxifen or another hormonal therapy in the form of a shot or pill.  This treatment can, and hopefully will, shrink the tumor.  I will be on it as long as it is effective and the side effects (hot flashes, bone weakness, and mood changes to name a few) are tolerable.  When/if it stops working then my options are chemo or clinical trials.

With everything that has happened, I feel peace.  I am not afraid.  I have found that the only times I do not feel peace are when I let my own fears override what I feel and know deep down.  I know that my life is in God's hands and whatever happens is His will.  Sometimes it is difficult to accept what He has planned for me, but then I remember He knows the end from the beginning and I am more safe following His path than my own.  From talking with friends and family, I don't know how I would handle this situation if I were on the other end of things.  I have found it much easier to go through something firsthand than to watch someone you love suffer.  Thank you to all who have been a support through all of this.  I am simply awkward and don't know what to say when it comes to comforting people in these kinds of situations, so thank you.  I know this is bad news, but don't worry; I am happy and moving forward!  Keep praying that God's will be done, and I know we will all have an easier time dealing with whatever comes next.



p.s. If it is any consolation, I got a fortune cookie last night at a friends wedding that said, "You will live a long and prosperous life."  Those Chinese sure know what they're talking about.