Well, it has been another week of waiting. I think one of the many things I need to learn through all of this is patience. I told you about my bone scan so next is the CT scan (Cat scan...same thing).
Beforehand they had me drink a bunch of Barium. Just imagine a nasty drink that has been doctored to taste like a cheap banana smoothie with the consistency of pepto bismol. Then drink it when you have a cold and while driving in a car. In more or less words, it was DISGUSTING! I managed not to throw it up because I knew if I did then I would have to reschedule and drink it all over again. We'll just say I left a few drops in the last dose. Anyhow, I thought I was getting of the hook of any needles and injections because of the drink...nope. They put an IV in me and injected me with, well I'm not quite sure what it was, but it made me all warm inside. She warned me that it would start in my head then move down my body and when it got to my bladder it would feel like I wet my pants. By golly I seriously thought I had an accident in my pants. I adjusted a little just to make sure. I'm sure glad she warned me because that would have been slightly embarrassing, haha. I wasn't strapped to the table this time, nonetheless I had to hold still. I was on a bed, but this time they put a pillow under my legs, which helped with my hip. When they were ready the bed was raised and I was put through the scanner. It was the shape of a very large doughnut and I was going through the middle of it. The machine would talk to me and say, "Hold your breath," followed a few seconds later with, "Breathe." It was really quick, and I only had to hold still for about 10 seconds at a time....not a straight 23 min! I was lucky to have my mom there with me. She was great at distracting me when the needle came out. Thanks mom!
I have found, with all of this, that I can either be happy or sad. I can laugh or I can cry. I can be in denial or I can accept reality. I can mentally shut myself out or I can be an open book. My conclusion is that all of this is really stupid, and why would anyone shut his/herself out, be in denial or be sad over something stupid?! Not me! Notice I didn't mention crying, I have done my fair share of crying and I'm sure there are still more tears to come, but that doesn't mean I can't still be happy. I want to laugh, and believe me, I do. A few times when I told people I had cancer they didn't believe me because I had a smile on my face. Think about it, if I cried every time I broke the news to someone, I would have a migraine every night and who in their right mind wants that. Life is meant to be enjoyed, "Men are that they might have joy." It isn't, "Men are that they might have joy when they are not going through trials." We can find happiness and reasons to laugh even when everything around us seems glum. The other night I was with Tim and I couldn't talk without coughing and coughing hurts my hip. In short, it was a painful evening. I could see the worry in his eyes so I decided to lighten the mood. I found a pen and a pad of paper so I could still communicate with him. After a little while we were both laughing and at one point I ripped off a corner of the paper and wrote on it, "Cancer Card a.k.a. pity me." He just rolled his eyes at me when I held it up to him. Pain, laughter and happiness can happen simultaneously, but it is a choice. I choose to be happy and no one can change my mind about it!
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Testing, testing, testing
Happy Thanksgiving everyone! There is so much to be grateful for. Right now I am very grateful for modern medicine! Lately I have been thinking about people who probably had cancer that lived hundreds of years ago, even decades ago. They did not have the technology or resources we have today. So a big thanks to doctors, modern medicine, and research!
When I first found out I had cancer, I thought they would have me in surgery the next week and then start treatments immediately following. However, it is a longer process than I anticipated. I have been to the hospital several times, and still have further testing. I have already had an ultrasound and a biopsy. I had a bone scan yesterday which I will tell you about below, a CT scan tomorrow and a mammogram and another ultrasound next Wednesday (not looking forward to that one). My sisters joke that I am a little lab rat...I have been feeling like it lately, minus the tail and whiskers. This has all been really interesting to learn about my body and cancer, not saying this is the best way to learn about it, but interesting nonetheless. I don't know and probably wont know for at least a week when I will have surgery/start treatments. I know, I want to know as bad as you but we're all going to have to be patient and wait it out. In the mean time I am keeping busy doing as many active things as possible before I am bedridden...assuming it will come to that.
For those of you interested in what a bone scan is, keep reading. I injured my hip last July and it has been bothering me since, so they just want to be thorough and make sure there isn't a direct connection between the pain and cancer, also to find out what really is going on in my hip. Bone scan, it sounds intense, however it wasn't too bad. I went in at noon for an injection; which basically shoots radioactive material that acts as dye that can detect any cancer that may have spread to the bones. That was probably the worst of it, I hate needles! Ewe! Luckily Tim was there holding my hand, distracting me. Side note: Tim and I have been dating for over a month now and he is the greatest person I could ask for right now. He is rock solid and has been wonderful through all of this, despite the fact that I found out I had cancer on his birthday. Please keep him in your prayers too. Ok, back to the scan. I had to wait 3 hours before going back for the actual scan, so we went four wheeling and ate lunch to get our minds off of it. When we went back the doctor was very nice and personable, he actually smiled and laughed a little. I think doctors are too serious, granted they deal with life and death daily, with that aside I try to get them to laugh, but they just don't think I'm funny. Don't worry though, I'll keep trying. He had me lie down on my back and put a blanket on me, my arms were straight at my side, and there were straps around my body to keep me still...like a full body straight jacket. I had to hold completely still for 23 minutes! The machine was quite extraordinary. This was a full body scan so it started with my head. The scanner came down about 4 inches from my face, it moved up and down for a few minutes, then the bed I was lying on moved backwards so the scanner was over my chest and rib cage. It did the same thing then moved down until it had covered my whole body. I felt quite helpless just sitting there. I wanted to turn my head to talk to Tim, but I figured I would start laughing, causing my body to move and they would have to start over, so I didn't. It wasn't as traumatic as I was expecting. I would do that over an injection any day!
That's that for now. I'm doing well, besides this cold I caught the other day. If anyone needs any type of cold medicine, pretty sure I can supply, haha. Hope y'all have a great Thanksgiving! Much love!
When I first found out I had cancer, I thought they would have me in surgery the next week and then start treatments immediately following. However, it is a longer process than I anticipated. I have been to the hospital several times, and still have further testing. I have already had an ultrasound and a biopsy. I had a bone scan yesterday which I will tell you about below, a CT scan tomorrow and a mammogram and another ultrasound next Wednesday (not looking forward to that one). My sisters joke that I am a little lab rat...I have been feeling like it lately, minus the tail and whiskers. This has all been really interesting to learn about my body and cancer, not saying this is the best way to learn about it, but interesting nonetheless. I don't know and probably wont know for at least a week when I will have surgery/start treatments. I know, I want to know as bad as you but we're all going to have to be patient and wait it out. In the mean time I am keeping busy doing as many active things as possible before I am bedridden...assuming it will come to that.
For those of you interested in what a bone scan is, keep reading. I injured my hip last July and it has been bothering me since, so they just want to be thorough and make sure there isn't a direct connection between the pain and cancer, also to find out what really is going on in my hip. Bone scan, it sounds intense, however it wasn't too bad. I went in at noon for an injection; which basically shoots radioactive material that acts as dye that can detect any cancer that may have spread to the bones. That was probably the worst of it, I hate needles! Ewe! Luckily Tim was there holding my hand, distracting me. Side note: Tim and I have been dating for over a month now and he is the greatest person I could ask for right now. He is rock solid and has been wonderful through all of this, despite the fact that I found out I had cancer on his birthday. Please keep him in your prayers too. Ok, back to the scan. I had to wait 3 hours before going back for the actual scan, so we went four wheeling and ate lunch to get our minds off of it. When we went back the doctor was very nice and personable, he actually smiled and laughed a little. I think doctors are too serious, granted they deal with life and death daily, with that aside I try to get them to laugh, but they just don't think I'm funny. Don't worry though, I'll keep trying. He had me lie down on my back and put a blanket on me, my arms were straight at my side, and there were straps around my body to keep me still...like a full body straight jacket. I had to hold completely still for 23 minutes! The machine was quite extraordinary. This was a full body scan so it started with my head. The scanner came down about 4 inches from my face, it moved up and down for a few minutes, then the bed I was lying on moved backwards so the scanner was over my chest and rib cage. It did the same thing then moved down until it had covered my whole body. I felt quite helpless just sitting there. I wanted to turn my head to talk to Tim, but I figured I would start laughing, causing my body to move and they would have to start over, so I didn't. It wasn't as traumatic as I was expecting. I would do that over an injection any day!
That's that for now. I'm doing well, besides this cold I caught the other day. If anyone needs any type of cold medicine, pretty sure I can supply, haha. Hope y'all have a great Thanksgiving! Much love!
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
The big news
Hey all,
I have never done a blog before so this is a little weird for me, but I figured this would be the most efficient way to keep people updated on what is going on right now. You are probably thinking, "What in the world is she talking about." Well folks, I was diagnosed with breast cancer on November 16, 2011. Yeah I know, shocker. I didn't see it coming either. Only 2-3% of women who get breast cancer are under the age of 30, and only 4-5% under 40. I'm in the top 2%, lucky me!
So with that said, you probably have a bunch of questions you would like answered (as do I), I will just do a little Q & A to cover what people this past week have been wondering. Here goes:
Q: How did you find it?
A: It was kind of a fluke that I found it because I wasn't looking for anything. I woke up one morning and my arm was strewn across my body and I felt a lump in my right breast with my arm. I immediately made an appointment to get it checked out.
Q: Does it hurt?
A: Nope
Q: What kind of tests did they do?
A: I first had an ultrasound, then they did a core biopsy
Q:How big is it?
A: It is fairly large. 4.9 cm/4.9 cm/3.5 cm. Because of the size it is bordering stage 3
The final question is usually, how are you doing?
My answer thus far has been something like this: Surprisingly peaceful. Yes this is a shock, however I do not feel like it is coincidence. I have felt cloudy about what I should do after graduation (I graduate with my Bachelors of Music next month, woot woot) considering I do not feel good about going on to graduate school right away. My plan was to wait one year and then reconsider. All in all, things seem to be finally coming together. I picture my life as a giant puzzle. I have been trying so hard to put pieces together that just aren't compatible, but now it feels as if they are settling in the right places. I don't know how or when all of this will end, but I know that it will and that everything has a purpose. God knows what is best for me and He will never give me a trial I am unable to handle. I can't do this all by myself, so that is why He has sent me angels, seen and unseen. Thanks to everyone who has already shown love and support. I appreciate it more than you know!
I have never done a blog before so this is a little weird for me, but I figured this would be the most efficient way to keep people updated on what is going on right now. You are probably thinking, "What in the world is she talking about." Well folks, I was diagnosed with breast cancer on November 16, 2011. Yeah I know, shocker. I didn't see it coming either. Only 2-3% of women who get breast cancer are under the age of 30, and only 4-5% under 40. I'm in the top 2%, lucky me!
So with that said, you probably have a bunch of questions you would like answered (as do I), I will just do a little Q & A to cover what people this past week have been wondering. Here goes:
Q: How did you find it?
A: It was kind of a fluke that I found it because I wasn't looking for anything. I woke up one morning and my arm was strewn across my body and I felt a lump in my right breast with my arm. I immediately made an appointment to get it checked out.
Q: Does it hurt?
A: Nope
Q: What kind of tests did they do?
A: I first had an ultrasound, then they did a core biopsy
Q:How big is it?
A: It is fairly large. 4.9 cm/4.9 cm/3.5 cm. Because of the size it is bordering stage 3
The final question is usually, how are you doing?
My answer thus far has been something like this: Surprisingly peaceful. Yes this is a shock, however I do not feel like it is coincidence. I have felt cloudy about what I should do after graduation (I graduate with my Bachelors of Music next month, woot woot) considering I do not feel good about going on to graduate school right away. My plan was to wait one year and then reconsider. All in all, things seem to be finally coming together. I picture my life as a giant puzzle. I have been trying so hard to put pieces together that just aren't compatible, but now it feels as if they are settling in the right places. I don't know how or when all of this will end, but I know that it will and that everything has a purpose. God knows what is best for me and He will never give me a trial I am unable to handle. I can't do this all by myself, so that is why He has sent me angels, seen and unseen. Thanks to everyone who has already shown love and support. I appreciate it more than you know!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)