Yes, it is 2:39 am and I am wide awake. Treatment nights I usually don't sleep well because they give me steroids. The steroids are a preventative measure for infection. I usually fall asleep fine and then wake up between 3 and 5, but tonight is different. I will say though, it is nice every once and a while to stay awake longer than usual yet not feel the slightest bit tired. Hmmm. I like to be awake when the rest of the world is asleep, I feel it provides a more peaceful atmosphere to meditate and ponder.
I have had a lot of time to think about, well, everything these past few months considering I am graduated and am not able to work yet. What would you think about or change if the doctors told you the average life expectancy of someone with your diagnosis was 1.5-5 years? I never thought I would have to face such a predicament. I always assumed I would live to be old like my grandma Astle, painting at 75 years old and out fishing at 92. I never even considered dying before being able to get married or have a family. I am not saying this will happen, but it is in the cards now. Following is something I have been pondering since November 16th.
When the though first crossed my mind that I could be gone the following year, I immediately thought of relationships I have with people. Would I regret saying something? Would I regret not saying or doing something? Am I at odds with anyone? How can I better the relationships I am currently in? My mom always says that when we die we will not take things with us, but our relationships will be carried beyond the grave. Why is it that we really think about these things when something traumatic happens? Why aren't these questions constantly on our minds? I am speaking mostly of myself right now, many of your reading this I am sure already have this in check.
I go back to the reality that our lives are in God's hands. When I was 18 months old, my father passed away in a drowning accident. They, including my two oldest brothers, were on a scout outing on the Green River in southern Utah. Everyone was floating down the river and had life jackets on, but when they began coming to shore my dad was nowhere to be seen. They searched the area but when they realized he was not there, a search party was issued. About 5 days later they found his body. Anyone who knew my dad knew he loved the outdoors. He hunted, fished, hiked, camped and if given the opportunity, probably would have spent a whole year up in the mountains. He spent plenty of time in rivers, swimming, and participating in dangerous activities (he was a fireman after all). He did not drown because he did not know how to swim, I am sure he did not want to leave my mom behind to raise 6 children on her own, and I know he did not want to miss hunting season the following October. However, God knows. I feel that we as humans sometimes throw that aside and make our own plans and get upset when things don't turn out "our way." One lesson I have learned is that we make plans so God can have something to work with a.k.a. change. God's ways are not our ways. He knows what is best for us and the experiences and challenges we need at the exact times that will help us come closer to Him and better fulfill our purposes here on Earth. I would not take back this experience, however I do not wish it on anyone. I do not know how it will all turn out. I don't know if I will be here for 2 years or 20 years but, whichever it is, I want to make the most of every day. My life is in God's hands; the best place to be.
Friday, March 16, 2012
Friday, March 9, 2012
They're shrinking!!
My tumors are shrinking!! I have been anticipating this appointment for 2 months now and am so happy to know that the chemo is working. The one in my breast has shrunk about one centimeter. It is difficult to tell if there are still cancer cells in my spine or not, but the doctor said that the bone is acting as if there isn't because it is growing back so nicely. The bone in my back won't grow back exactly as it was before, but it is filling in. The same goes for my rib. The CT scan shows there are no new spots either!
The action plan is to keep doing chemo until the tumor stops shrinking then they will put me on tomaxafin to keep everything stabilized. Tomaxafin is a hormonal therapy that blocks estrogen receptors and comes in the form of a pill. There are very few side effects, which is nice because I will possibly be taking this indefinitely. Hopefully I will only be doing chemo for about 2 more months, but I will plan on 4 then I'll be pleasantly surprised when/if it is less. I have learned that patience is required for cancer patients. It is difficult to predict what will happen or how long treatments will last because it really is a month by month process. That is ok, I feel I am getting exceptional care at the Huntsman center and am very lucky to be there.
The next question is the back brace. How long will I be in it. Before today I would say, "I don't know!" I met with the spine guy today and as of next Wednesday I will start weening myself off it. I will start by not wearing it for an hour, then 1.5 hours then 2 etc. By April 20 I will be OUT OF THE TURTLE SHELL!!!!!! Who's excited? I have a love/hate relationship with this brace. It came at a great time when I was literally moving slower than Tim's grandma, in her 90's, because of the pain. So thanks brace, but I'm ready to part with you.
How's the vegan diet going? I went into all of this diet change stuff knowing I would eventually make some changes, so here goes. I have added yogurt and fish and occasionally chicken (costa vida cough cough). I eat a lot of fruits and veggie's, beans, whole grains, chips and salsa but my saving grace are smoothies! I am still avoiding soy at all cost, but not being so strict with sugar. Tonight is liquid brick night at Caspers...basically the best milk shake ever! I am a little upset because tonight is the last night it is open!
My mom always say's there is a lot of adversity before something good comes along. Last week was a rough week, I won't lie. I have felt like a crazy lady with no control over her emotions at times. I am lucky to have such supportive family members, friends and Tim. Thank you to everyone who has shown support over the past few months to me and my family. This is a trial no family can get through alone. I have felt so much love from so many different sources, Thank You, it is much appreciated!!
The action plan is to keep doing chemo until the tumor stops shrinking then they will put me on tomaxafin to keep everything stabilized. Tomaxafin is a hormonal therapy that blocks estrogen receptors and comes in the form of a pill. There are very few side effects, which is nice because I will possibly be taking this indefinitely. Hopefully I will only be doing chemo for about 2 more months, but I will plan on 4 then I'll be pleasantly surprised when/if it is less. I have learned that patience is required for cancer patients. It is difficult to predict what will happen or how long treatments will last because it really is a month by month process. That is ok, I feel I am getting exceptional care at the Huntsman center and am very lucky to be there.
The next question is the back brace. How long will I be in it. Before today I would say, "I don't know!" I met with the spine guy today and as of next Wednesday I will start weening myself off it. I will start by not wearing it for an hour, then 1.5 hours then 2 etc. By April 20 I will be OUT OF THE TURTLE SHELL!!!!!! Who's excited? I have a love/hate relationship with this brace. It came at a great time when I was literally moving slower than Tim's grandma, in her 90's, because of the pain. So thanks brace, but I'm ready to part with you.
How's the vegan diet going? I went into all of this diet change stuff knowing I would eventually make some changes, so here goes. I have added yogurt and fish and occasionally chicken (costa vida cough cough). I eat a lot of fruits and veggie's, beans, whole grains, chips and salsa but my saving grace are smoothies! I am still avoiding soy at all cost, but not being so strict with sugar. Tonight is liquid brick night at Caspers...basically the best milk shake ever! I am a little upset because tonight is the last night it is open!
My mom always say's there is a lot of adversity before something good comes along. Last week was a rough week, I won't lie. I have felt like a crazy lady with no control over her emotions at times. I am lucky to have such supportive family members, friends and Tim. Thank you to everyone who has shown support over the past few months to me and my family. This is a trial no family can get through alone. I have felt so much love from so many different sources, Thank You, it is much appreciated!!
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Not much going on
I have not written because frankly, not much has happened since I shaved my head. I am still feeling amazingly well considering those darn nurses pump poison into me every week. Other than the poison part, they are treating me very well down at the Huntsman center, I have nothing to complain about. Last week my sister in law, Sue, brought me yarn and a crocheting hook and taught me the basics. That is one thing I have wanted to do "some day" which means, I'll think about it but let's be honest folks, it was never going to happen; so thanks to Sue. Today during treatment I practiced chaining for about an hour. The great thing about crocheting is if you make a mistake, just pull it out and start over. Maybe some day I will actually produce something recognizable ;)
March will be a turning point of sorts. I just finished the last treatment (#6) of my second cycle which means next week I will go in for a CT scan and breast ultrasound. This will tell us how the cancer is responding to chemo. Some people have asked me about my tumor/cancer markers. In simple terms this is a number that can be determined by the blood test at each treatment that tells you how the cancer is responding. However, for my case this number doesn't reveal anything, I need the actual images to tell us anything. Bummer, but what can ya do. Anyhow, I will meet with my oncologist on March 8 to get the results. This may be the teller if I need to have surgery, keep going with treatment, or possibly to change me to a different drug. Honestly, I don't know or even really have a feeling of what might happen. I just pray and hope for the best. I do not want to have surgery, but if that is the best option, so be it. Wouldn't it be nice to go and have him tell me that the cancer is gone? That is every cancer patients dream. Cancer patients don't like cancer. We'll see, and I'll keep you updated on the big stuff.
Tim and I were sitting on my couch the other night and I decided we needed to come up with a top 5 reasons being bald rocks. Here goes:
#5-Getting ready time=cut in half. I was in and out of the shower in 4.5 minutes the other day. Tim said he could do it in 3, which means my next shower will be in 2.5...We're not competitive at all.
#4-I don't find hair in the sink anymore. No clogs. No hair in the drain at the end of the shower. Dream come true! I also don't find hair on my legs or under my arms. Are you jealous yet? You should be!
#3-Wigs. I can have short hair one day and long the next. I can wear hats, scarves, and funky do-rags and no one questions me. I can go bohemian one day and G.I. Jane the next and people think it's cool. Wow, I have too much fun with this!
#2-Hair doesn't get in the way when I throw something over your shoulder like a backpack or purse...unless I'm wearing my long hair, then it just shifts.
#1-Shock factor. I was in institute the other day on the back row and my friend Josh had the thought. I also had a thought. It was really warm in the room, I was wearing a hat, I took off the hat, I was bald. I was smirking a little and half expected him to start laughing. He looked at me for a minute and I don't think he knew what to think if he wanted to laugh he did a good job suppressing it. It was funny for me, sorry Josh.
I bet you all wish you were bald now, I don't blame you. My cancer card states that bald chicks are sexy, so now you know what to do if you are a girl and want to be sexy. You're welcome. Well I could go on and talk about nothing like most bloggers, or I could fold the laundry on my bed so I can get into it and sleep. I think I'll choose the latter. Peace out.
March will be a turning point of sorts. I just finished the last treatment (#6) of my second cycle which means next week I will go in for a CT scan and breast ultrasound. This will tell us how the cancer is responding to chemo. Some people have asked me about my tumor/cancer markers. In simple terms this is a number that can be determined by the blood test at each treatment that tells you how the cancer is responding. However, for my case this number doesn't reveal anything, I need the actual images to tell us anything. Bummer, but what can ya do. Anyhow, I will meet with my oncologist on March 8 to get the results. This may be the teller if I need to have surgery, keep going with treatment, or possibly to change me to a different drug. Honestly, I don't know or even really have a feeling of what might happen. I just pray and hope for the best. I do not want to have surgery, but if that is the best option, so be it. Wouldn't it be nice to go and have him tell me that the cancer is gone? That is every cancer patients dream. Cancer patients don't like cancer. We'll see, and I'll keep you updated on the big stuff.
Tim and I were sitting on my couch the other night and I decided we needed to come up with a top 5 reasons being bald rocks. Here goes:
#5-Getting ready time=cut in half. I was in and out of the shower in 4.5 minutes the other day. Tim said he could do it in 3, which means my next shower will be in 2.5...We're not competitive at all.
#4-I don't find hair in the sink anymore. No clogs. No hair in the drain at the end of the shower. Dream come true! I also don't find hair on my legs or under my arms. Are you jealous yet? You should be!
#3-Wigs. I can have short hair one day and long the next. I can wear hats, scarves, and funky do-rags and no one questions me. I can go bohemian one day and G.I. Jane the next and people think it's cool. Wow, I have too much fun with this!
#2-Hair doesn't get in the way when I throw something over your shoulder like a backpack or purse...unless I'm wearing my long hair, then it just shifts.
#1-Shock factor. I was in institute the other day on the back row and my friend Josh had the thought. I also had a thought. It was really warm in the room, I was wearing a hat, I took off the hat, I was bald. I was smirking a little and half expected him to start laughing. He looked at me for a minute and I don't think he knew what to think if he wanted to laugh he did a good job suppressing it. It was funny for me, sorry Josh.
I bet you all wish you were bald now, I don't blame you. My cancer card states that bald chicks are sexy, so now you know what to do if you are a girl and want to be sexy. You're welcome. Well I could go on and talk about nothing like most bloggers, or I could fold the laundry on my bed so I can get into it and sleep. I think I'll choose the latter. Peace out.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Alopecia
My dear friends, I have been struck with alopecia, or hair loss. One reason I dyed my hair bleach blonde and whacked it off was because I knew it was going to fall out anyway. I will say that it was a lot easier to see short blonde hair fall out than my natural color. It began over a week ago and only got worse. At first it wasn't so bad, but it finally hit me that I was losing my hair. I was planning on shaving my head at some point but didn't know when, where or with who. I decided last monday that it just needed to go, so I called my best friend and we went and did it. Honestly, it wasn't that difficult to see it go. It was more difficult to see a trail of hair wherever I went. It was EVERYWHERE, so I am now bald. Whooda thunk?! I will admit, I always wondered what I would look like bald but would never under any other circumstances take that step. Before shaving my head I feared I would find some weird birthmark under my hair, or my head would be a weird shape. Luckily I do not have a weird birthmark and am told that my head is quite round...I guess that's a good thing. All you people with hair on your heads, enjoy it! I'm not missing mine too much right now because being bald really is low maintenance, which cuts my getting ready time in half! I know I will have days where I miss it, but I have lots of cute hats and a wig. The day I shaved it I bought a cute purple beanie. Emotional purchase...definitely. But I don't regret it one bit.
I just want to take a second to thank my wonderful family. They have all been so supportive. Every step of this journey I have had someone, or multiple people at my side. My loving mother, my silly sisters, my dedicated brothers, my endlessly adorable nieces and nephews who pray for me and tell me consistently, "I'm sorry you have cancer." Coleman, in 1st grade, drew me a picture that said "I have cancer and it is fun...Shot (with a pic of a needle coming towards me) cancer isn't is fun as I thought." We were all rolling on the floor laughing when he gave it to me. Then they showed him a picture of me bald and he said, "I think she should wear a wig." This kid has some serious opinions about girls' hair, he cracks me up! I asked my family to not treat me any differently and by golly they haven't...well I think they make fun of me more, but that is to be expected. How could they pass up the opportunity to poke fun of a 23 year old with a handicap pass that walks like a grandma and can't bend over. Yep, I've heard it all. Teasing is a form of love in my family. I am lucky to have such a great support system. Love you family!
I just want to take a second to thank my wonderful family. They have all been so supportive. Every step of this journey I have had someone, or multiple people at my side. My loving mother, my silly sisters, my dedicated brothers, my endlessly adorable nieces and nephews who pray for me and tell me consistently, "I'm sorry you have cancer." Coleman, in 1st grade, drew me a picture that said "I have cancer and it is fun...Shot (with a pic of a needle coming towards me) cancer isn't is fun as I thought." We were all rolling on the floor laughing when he gave it to me. Then they showed him a picture of me bald and he said, "I think she should wear a wig." This kid has some serious opinions about girls' hair, he cracks me up! I asked my family to not treat me any differently and by golly they haven't...well I think they make fun of me more, but that is to be expected. How could they pass up the opportunity to poke fun of a 23 year old with a handicap pass that walks like a grandma and can't bend over. Yep, I've heard it all. Teasing is a form of love in my family. I am lucky to have such a great support system. Love you family!
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
What does a vegan eat for lunch?
This is the big question of the day, "What does a vegan eat for lunch...or breakfast...or dinner?" As of Friday January 20, I am on a vegan diet. In addition to not eating meat or any animal byproducts, I am also not eating sugar/sugar substitutes, or white flour. Yep, this pretty much eliminates everything you like to eat on a daily basis. My diet will consist of all fruits and vegi's, legumes (beans), and rice. I can eat whole wheat products too. If this diet will help heal my body, I will give it my all. It may be difficult to pass up that bowl of ice cream, or grilled chicken, but if it means I will get better and live longer, there is no question. Life is my main motivation here.
Lance and I went to Costco and got a bunch of Kelly-friendly foods last week, so when I got home I went through my cupboards and stripped them of all foods I no longer eat. I am amazed at everything that has sugar in it! Our fridge has a plethora of condiments/salad dressings/etc. and the only item that did not have sugar or dairy in it was MUSTARD! You better believe I immediately made a veggie sandwich on wheat bread with, probably an overload of mustard. I do not have any allergies to food therefore I have never had problems with worrying about what to eat. I feel for people with specific dietary needs/allergies. In more or less words, it stinks! But on the other hand, why don't we already eat like this?
We live in a society that loads our bodies of toxins because it is quick and convenient and tastes good. Frozen dinners, chips, deep fried chicken strips, chocolate, doughnuts, ice cream, soda pop, McDonalds, and Wendy's value menu to name a few. Have you ever eaten these things? I sure have. Why does it taste good to us? Because we've trained our taste to prefer it. OK, some of you are probably thinking, "What gives you the right to say this, you are generalizing and is not true about me!" You're right, this is a generalization and I'm not saying that everyone needs to cut out everything from the list above, or even that everyone eats these things, but I hope you'll at least think about what you take into your body. I'm only saying this because I've had a wake-up call. If changing my eating habits could potentially help cure me of cancer, think of how it could prevent someone from getting cancer. Food for thought. Ok I'll get off my soap box, I just needed to let that out.
I am almost 2 weeks into chemo and am feeling surprisingly well. After my second treatment I felt ok until Saturday. My stomach was upset and I felt as if a semi just plowed me over. Don't worry though, I took a zofran and slept for a while. By Sunday I was feeling better, just really tired. I have probably mentioned this before, but the main side effect is fatigue. I don't like to sleep too much during the day because then I have a difficult time falling asleep at night, so when I am feeling exhausted I watch a movie and just veg. I will say, it is a nice excuse to just relax without feeling guilty...well sometimes I still feel guilty I'm not doing something productive, but if I overwork myself then I'll be more tired later.
My hair has not fallen out yet. I have heard from cancer survivors and also the nurses that 2 weeks is the average time that it begins to come out. The other day I talked to a lady who kept her hair for about one month. It is very specific to the individual and type of chemo. They also say that not all of your hair falls out. Most people shave their heads because their hair gets so thin and it is easier to be bald than to clean up hair everywhere you go. Then there are the rare cases that you do not lose your hair. I guess I'll just have to wait and find out. I'll keep you updated.
A couple questions I have received are, "How much has the tumor shrunk on your spine from radiation?" and, "How effective was radiation?" I had 14 treatments (3 weeks) of radiation. I began to feel improvement about the second week, meaning the pain lessened from about an 8.5 to 6 on a scale from 1-10. However my back will continue to improve up to 6 weeks after radiation treatments are finished. Since I was scheduled to start chemo a week after radiation, we wouldn't have had 100% accurate results if we tested the effectiveness of radiation because the full effect had not yet taken place. Does that make sense? I can physically notice huge improvement in my back since I began radiation. My pain level is probably a 1 or 0.5 now, however it is not pain as much as a weak uncomfortable feeling. So, sorry to Sue and all of you who like statistics and percentages. My back improving and feeling MUCH better.
If you have questions, feel free to ask. Also, if any of you are vegan, or know of any good vegan recipes, please please please let me know. Thanks!
Lance and I went to Costco and got a bunch of Kelly-friendly foods last week, so when I got home I went through my cupboards and stripped them of all foods I no longer eat. I am amazed at everything that has sugar in it! Our fridge has a plethora of condiments/salad dressings/etc. and the only item that did not have sugar or dairy in it was MUSTARD! You better believe I immediately made a veggie sandwich on wheat bread with, probably an overload of mustard. I do not have any allergies to food therefore I have never had problems with worrying about what to eat. I feel for people with specific dietary needs/allergies. In more or less words, it stinks! But on the other hand, why don't we already eat like this?
We live in a society that loads our bodies of toxins because it is quick and convenient and tastes good. Frozen dinners, chips, deep fried chicken strips, chocolate, doughnuts, ice cream, soda pop, McDonalds, and Wendy's value menu to name a few. Have you ever eaten these things? I sure have. Why does it taste good to us? Because we've trained our taste to prefer it. OK, some of you are probably thinking, "What gives you the right to say this, you are generalizing and is not true about me!" You're right, this is a generalization and I'm not saying that everyone needs to cut out everything from the list above, or even that everyone eats these things, but I hope you'll at least think about what you take into your body. I'm only saying this because I've had a wake-up call. If changing my eating habits could potentially help cure me of cancer, think of how it could prevent someone from getting cancer. Food for thought. Ok I'll get off my soap box, I just needed to let that out.
I am almost 2 weeks into chemo and am feeling surprisingly well. After my second treatment I felt ok until Saturday. My stomach was upset and I felt as if a semi just plowed me over. Don't worry though, I took a zofran and slept for a while. By Sunday I was feeling better, just really tired. I have probably mentioned this before, but the main side effect is fatigue. I don't like to sleep too much during the day because then I have a difficult time falling asleep at night, so when I am feeling exhausted I watch a movie and just veg. I will say, it is a nice excuse to just relax without feeling guilty...well sometimes I still feel guilty I'm not doing something productive, but if I overwork myself then I'll be more tired later.
My hair has not fallen out yet. I have heard from cancer survivors and also the nurses that 2 weeks is the average time that it begins to come out. The other day I talked to a lady who kept her hair for about one month. It is very specific to the individual and type of chemo. They also say that not all of your hair falls out. Most people shave their heads because their hair gets so thin and it is easier to be bald than to clean up hair everywhere you go. Then there are the rare cases that you do not lose your hair. I guess I'll just have to wait and find out. I'll keep you updated.
A couple questions I have received are, "How much has the tumor shrunk on your spine from radiation?" and, "How effective was radiation?" I had 14 treatments (3 weeks) of radiation. I began to feel improvement about the second week, meaning the pain lessened from about an 8.5 to 6 on a scale from 1-10. However my back will continue to improve up to 6 weeks after radiation treatments are finished. Since I was scheduled to start chemo a week after radiation, we wouldn't have had 100% accurate results if we tested the effectiveness of radiation because the full effect had not yet taken place. Does that make sense? I can physically notice huge improvement in my back since I began radiation. My pain level is probably a 1 or 0.5 now, however it is not pain as much as a weak uncomfortable feeling. So, sorry to Sue and all of you who like statistics and percentages. My back improving and feeling MUCH better.
If you have questions, feel free to ask. Also, if any of you are vegan, or know of any good vegan recipes, please please please let me know. Thanks!
Monday, January 16, 2012
How is chemo?
If you are anything like me, when you think of someone going through chemotherapy, you picture a sickly person who lies in bed all day and only gets out of bed to throw up. This is how the media depicts chemo, however it is a very false statement. Sure this may have been the case 10 years ago but today there are many medications that help with nausea and other side effects. Since I have started treatments I have not thrown up! Yay! I have definitely felt sick, but "cancer treatment" sick is different from "flu" sick. When you have the flu you think, "If only I could throw up I would feel so much better." For me, the sickness I am experiencing would not be any better if I threw up, nor does it induce such feelings. I don't exactly know how else to explain it, so that's what you get.
With that said, it has only been 4 days since my first treatment so my symptoms could become worse than they are at present. The first few days were rough because I came down with a raging fever. The doctor's weren't too worried because I was keeping down liquids (even though water tasted so so gross to me and didn't settle too well on my stomach) and not enough time had passed for them to be concerned I had an infection. A high fever is a sign of infection, so if I have a fever over 100.5 I need to call in. They told me to just keep taking tylenol and if my symptoms became worse to go into the ER. Luckily the fever broke after about a day and a half and now I'm fine. I have heard of this happening to other cancer patients after their first chemo treatment. Think about it, they inject you with a drug that not only kills the bad cancer cells, but also all other fast growing cells. Your body see's it as poison and tries to fight it off, I guess I could see this as a good thing that my body is fighting. I was lucky to have Tim with me Friday night when the fever got up to 102.7. I woke up at 3 am feeling as though I was standing in a furnace. He stayed with me and held my hand until I fell asleep around 6. He takes good care of me.
Saturday morning I was feeling much better and came back up to Logan. I was able to go to all three hours of church on sunday proceeded by a 2 hour nap...lots of drugs makes you tired! And today has been great so far! I don't think this will be as bad as I was expecting it to be, granted it could get worse, but as for now I am doing well.
With that said, it has only been 4 days since my first treatment so my symptoms could become worse than they are at present. The first few days were rough because I came down with a raging fever. The doctor's weren't too worried because I was keeping down liquids (even though water tasted so so gross to me and didn't settle too well on my stomach) and not enough time had passed for them to be concerned I had an infection. A high fever is a sign of infection, so if I have a fever over 100.5 I need to call in. They told me to just keep taking tylenol and if my symptoms became worse to go into the ER. Luckily the fever broke after about a day and a half and now I'm fine. I have heard of this happening to other cancer patients after their first chemo treatment. Think about it, they inject you with a drug that not only kills the bad cancer cells, but also all other fast growing cells. Your body see's it as poison and tries to fight it off, I guess I could see this as a good thing that my body is fighting. I was lucky to have Tim with me Friday night when the fever got up to 102.7. I woke up at 3 am feeling as though I was standing in a furnace. He stayed with me and held my hand until I fell asleep around 6. He takes good care of me.
Saturday morning I was feeling much better and came back up to Logan. I was able to go to all three hours of church on sunday proceeded by a 2 hour nap...lots of drugs makes you tired! And today has been great so far! I don't think this will be as bad as I was expecting it to be, granted it could get worse, but as for now I am doing well.
Friday, January 13, 2012
Port and Chemo!!
Like I said in the last post I am done with radiation! I got a port on monday, which according to some probably isn't a terrible procedure. Ok ok it wasn't so bad, I just don't like not being in control of my body and having a big bandage on my collar bone for 3 days. I will say though it was quite nice lying on the operating bed feeling so tired and just zonking out without any effort. I was so relaxed for the rest of the day, I haven't felt that relaxed in weeks, thank you drugs!!
I always wanted to try this but have never had the opportunity until now. When I was in recovery and since I was all hooked up to a heart monitor I wanted to test a curiosity I have had for some time. I wanted to see if my heart rate would increase during a kiss. I asked ever so politely if Tim would kiss me and as he did, sure enough my heart rate went from the 60's to the 80's. Ok so there were other factors too, they had given me caffeine to help wake me up because I was a little slow in waking. However, I would like to accredit it to the kiss.
I did not go directly to my first chemo treatment after surgery in Logan, in fact I am doing treatments down at the Huntsman center in Salt Lake. I was originally going to stay in Logan for all treatments and had everything set up for Logan. I met with my doctor in Logan and told him I was going to stay and that we could get going with treatments. During that visit he suggested again to get a second opinion at the Huntsman center. I did so later that week and felt very strongly that Salt Lake is where I need to be. There are a lot of things I have considered in making this decision, and I feel really good about it.
I had my first treatment yesterday (1/12/12). I guess the understanding about doctors is always expect it to go longer than they told you. I was in at 8 am and didn't get home until 12:30. Because it was the first visit they did lab work, so they very conveniently accessed my newly implanted port and drew some blood. Every time something goes through the port, they have to do a saline flush. I can taste the saline in my mouth and at first it didn't bother me, but by the end started to make me a little gaggy. Yesterday they gave me two drugs separately. The first was zomeda which is specifically designed to help my bones (update on the back brace below). The actual infusion took about 30 min during which I watched an episode of psych, thanks to Tim who stole it from his sis ;)...let me rephrase that, thanks Steph. Then the gross saline flush and onto the actual chemo, abraxane. This infusion took about 30-45 min, but I wasn't paying too close attention because I was trying to distract myself. It doesn't hurt when the drug is going through the port, but I can feel that something is going in which isn't terribly comfortable. It was nice to have my mom and Sue, my sister in law, there to talk to and take notes for me. It is also nice staying with my sister in Salt Lake until I go back up to Logan. Depending on how I feel, my plan is to go to treatments (on Thursday mornings) and then head back up to Logan on Friday or Saturday so I can be up for church on Sunday. Im just going to play it by ear though.
One cycle of chemo for me goes as follows:
Once a week for 3 weeks, then one week off.
They will do 2 cycles of this before re-evaluating to see how effective it is. Keep in mind that there are dozens and dozens of chemo treatments depending on the individual diagnoses. This is what the doctors have decided specifically for me.
The side effects of abraxane are very manageable. The most common are fatigue, alopecia (hair loss), nausea, and a foggy mind. Whenever I think if chemo, I imagine someone throwing up all the time, lying in bed all day and not able to do much. To contrary belief, I am told by my doctors/nurses that if this happens to me then something is wrong and I need to call because they now have medication that can fix these things. Also that it is good to get out for 15-20 min a day and exercise. I will be limited in my exercising abilities because I do have a back brace and pretty much all I can do now is walk. I have built up in my mind that chemo is going to be awful and that I will be completely incapacitated for the next 4-6 months, however, I do not expect it will be as bad as I think. You know me though, preparing for the worst possible scenario.
I met with an orthopedic doctor about my back. The big question is, "How long will I be in this stupid thing?!" The answer is that I will get an x-ray in one month so he can see how much it has improved. Generally someone in this kind of brace wears it for about 3 months. I have been in mine for just over a month, but my back has been feeling significantly better. I'm hoping to get out of it as soon as possible, however I'll wear it as long as I need if that means protecting my back and a possible spinal chord injury. I'll keep you updated when I find out more.
So, I chopped my hair off and dyed it bleach blonde! Check out my facebook page for the pic. It is more of a coping mechanism than anything because it will be a lot easier to say goodbye to this hair than my real hair, plus it is fun to look like a punk rocker :)
I am feeling ok now, but we'll see as the day/week progresses. I hear that it gets worse after the first day, and by the end of the cycle, however, I am becoming a little more optimistic. I appreciate your prayers, thank you for all the generosity and kindness you have shown me and my family. I know God is watching over you too.
I always wanted to try this but have never had the opportunity until now. When I was in recovery and since I was all hooked up to a heart monitor I wanted to test a curiosity I have had for some time. I wanted to see if my heart rate would increase during a kiss. I asked ever so politely if Tim would kiss me and as he did, sure enough my heart rate went from the 60's to the 80's. Ok so there were other factors too, they had given me caffeine to help wake me up because I was a little slow in waking. However, I would like to accredit it to the kiss.
I did not go directly to my first chemo treatment after surgery in Logan, in fact I am doing treatments down at the Huntsman center in Salt Lake. I was originally going to stay in Logan for all treatments and had everything set up for Logan. I met with my doctor in Logan and told him I was going to stay and that we could get going with treatments. During that visit he suggested again to get a second opinion at the Huntsman center. I did so later that week and felt very strongly that Salt Lake is where I need to be. There are a lot of things I have considered in making this decision, and I feel really good about it.
I had my first treatment yesterday (1/12/12). I guess the understanding about doctors is always expect it to go longer than they told you. I was in at 8 am and didn't get home until 12:30. Because it was the first visit they did lab work, so they very conveniently accessed my newly implanted port and drew some blood. Every time something goes through the port, they have to do a saline flush. I can taste the saline in my mouth and at first it didn't bother me, but by the end started to make me a little gaggy. Yesterday they gave me two drugs separately. The first was zomeda which is specifically designed to help my bones (update on the back brace below). The actual infusion took about 30 min during which I watched an episode of psych, thanks to Tim who stole it from his sis ;)...let me rephrase that, thanks Steph. Then the gross saline flush and onto the actual chemo, abraxane. This infusion took about 30-45 min, but I wasn't paying too close attention because I was trying to distract myself. It doesn't hurt when the drug is going through the port, but I can feel that something is going in which isn't terribly comfortable. It was nice to have my mom and Sue, my sister in law, there to talk to and take notes for me. It is also nice staying with my sister in Salt Lake until I go back up to Logan. Depending on how I feel, my plan is to go to treatments (on Thursday mornings) and then head back up to Logan on Friday or Saturday so I can be up for church on Sunday. Im just going to play it by ear though.
One cycle of chemo for me goes as follows:
Once a week for 3 weeks, then one week off.
They will do 2 cycles of this before re-evaluating to see how effective it is. Keep in mind that there are dozens and dozens of chemo treatments depending on the individual diagnoses. This is what the doctors have decided specifically for me.
The side effects of abraxane are very manageable. The most common are fatigue, alopecia (hair loss), nausea, and a foggy mind. Whenever I think if chemo, I imagine someone throwing up all the time, lying in bed all day and not able to do much. To contrary belief, I am told by my doctors/nurses that if this happens to me then something is wrong and I need to call because they now have medication that can fix these things. Also that it is good to get out for 15-20 min a day and exercise. I will be limited in my exercising abilities because I do have a back brace and pretty much all I can do now is walk. I have built up in my mind that chemo is going to be awful and that I will be completely incapacitated for the next 4-6 months, however, I do not expect it will be as bad as I think. You know me though, preparing for the worst possible scenario.
I met with an orthopedic doctor about my back. The big question is, "How long will I be in this stupid thing?!" The answer is that I will get an x-ray in one month so he can see how much it has improved. Generally someone in this kind of brace wears it for about 3 months. I have been in mine for just over a month, but my back has been feeling significantly better. I'm hoping to get out of it as soon as possible, however I'll wear it as long as I need if that means protecting my back and a possible spinal chord injury. I'll keep you updated when I find out more.
So, I chopped my hair off and dyed it bleach blonde! Check out my facebook page for the pic. It is more of a coping mechanism than anything because it will be a lot easier to say goodbye to this hair than my real hair, plus it is fun to look like a punk rocker :)
I am feeling ok now, but we'll see as the day/week progresses. I hear that it gets worse after the first day, and by the end of the cycle, however, I am becoming a little more optimistic. I appreciate your prayers, thank you for all the generosity and kindness you have shown me and my family. I know God is watching over you too.
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